Furby Military Academies

Spring 2000 FTX

The Furby Military Academies had great hope that the second batch of recruits would succeed in training where Private Furby Class Bob had failed. It appears that our hopes may not have been met, however.

The cadre of the Furby Military Academies spent weeks preparing this batch of young Recruit-Candidates for the grueling and difficult Field Training Exercise that concludes the FMA training regimen. Recruit Stoner, for instance, practiced extensively the arts of concealment. His duller gray tones made him far better at urban (and sub-urban) concealment techniques than his predecessor, PFC Bob.

Even our shining star, Senior Recruit-Candidate Jadzia Ditz, was much better at hiding than PFC Bob. She proved her excellence at the Arctic Concealment Course at the Greeley Recruit Processing Center.

As a part of the Ranger School, the Recruit-Candidates were trained to assault buildings from above before the enemy could prepare defenses. Here the Spring 2000 Class of Recruit-Candidates prepare to demonstrate their fast-line skills at the Processing Center.

Spring 2000 Field Training Exercise, 19 March 2000

After the grueling weeks of preparation, the Spring 2000 Recruit-Candidates were given a little time off on the morning of the FTX. They decided to "hang out" in a tree for a while. After a few minutes, the Recruit-Candidates were marched to the FMA's armored personnel carrier for transit to the Mapultian National Training Grounds.

The Recruit-Candidates eagerly boarded the armored personnel carrier. In a solemn ceremony, they were officially promoted to the rank of Recruit. The Recruits were ordered to stand by while the cadre continued loading transports with the munitions, weapons, food, and supplemental materiel needed for the Field Training Exercise.

When the cadre returned to the armored personnel carrier, the Recruits reported that Recruit Stoner had left something at the Recruit Processing Center. After a rushed search of the facilities, we located Recruit Stoner hiding in one of the trees, mumbling incoherently about being "way up in a tree and really high."

The cadre determined that Recruit Stoner was under the influence of some sort of illegal substance, and we immediately placed him under arrest pending rehabilitation. Currently, Recruit Stoner is undergoing cybernetic enhancement and alterations in the hopes that he will become a better fighter and less dependent on illegal substances.

Already well behind schedule, the FMA cadre quickly departed for the Mapultian National Training Grounds for the Field Training Exercise.

After fifteen minutes of setup, the cadre turned to Colonel Webb, asking him where the Furby Recruits were. Colonel Webb suddenly realized that he had not noticed them in the armored personnel carrier when the cadre had departed the Greeley Recruit Processing Center.

"I think we may have left them behind!" he shouted unhappily.

The rest of the cadre was no happier with this terrible news.

As a matter of fact, Captain Wiltzius became so angry he started violently swinging a videocassette player over his head. We had been planning on using the VCR to play a safety video for the Recruits.

Regrettably, by the time Captain Wiltzius calmed down, the video player was no longer functional.

Much to our surprise, we found remains of PFC Bob that the initial sweep in October 1999 missed. It appears that the damage he had endured was far more extensive than any of us had realized.

The cadre agreed to continue with the training mission in spite of a lack of trainees. After all, we had driven for well over half of an hour to reach the Mapultian National Training Grounds.

Captain Wiltzius introduced Instructor Merv Seay to the Furby Astronautics Corps' variation of skeet -- using full soda cans!

Colonel Webb and Instructor Schow prepare to lay down suppressive fire on the hillside.

"C'mon! You guys think you're such great shots? Prove it!" taunts Captain Decker, the head of the SEAL/UDT school.

The cadre declared the FTX a success in spite of the lack of trainees. We still wanted to know exactly what went wrong and why the Recruits failed to arrive at the training site.

When the cadre returned to the Greeley Recruit Processing Center, we discovered the recruits milling about the mess hall. We immediately separated them and conducted thorough interviews. From the evidence we pieced together, here is what we found:

  1. Recruit Stoner became irritable and restless in the armored personnel carrier while waiting for the departure to the Mapultian National Training Grounds.
  2. Recruit Jadzia Ditz encouraged Recruit Stoner to "light up and calm down" before the Recruits departed for the FTX.
  3. After the cadre discovered Recruit Stoner missing and split up to search for him, Recruit Ditz ordered the rest of the recruits to follow her to the Arctic Concealment Course at the far end of the Greeley Recruit Processing Center.
  4. Some time after the cadre left for the FTX, Recruit Blue suddenly yelled "This place is too cold! I'm heading for Mexico!" and deserted the Furby Military Academies.

Several Recruits thought it strange that Recruit Ditz was drilling them on her own with no supervision from the FMA cadre. None of them questioned her authority, since she had been the Senior Recruit-Candidate. Since none of the other remaining Recruits appeared to know what was actually going on, the FMA cadre decided to re-schedule them for the Summer 2000 FTX.

The cadre questioned Recruit Ditz separately. She claims she knew that there was no way the Recruits could survive the FTX and that she was merely acting "in the best interests of Furbykind." The cadre gave her an opportunity to recant her claims and re-enter the training program with her fellow Recruits. She stubbornly refused to comply, so the cadre had no choice but to order her to stand trial at a court martial. If she is found guilty of treasonous insubordination, she will be summarily executed at the Summer 2000 FTX. Results of her trial will be posted at the FMA website when they become available.

Recruit Blue was nowhere to be found. Since he claimed he was fleeing to Mexico, the FMA SEAL/UDT School will be on alert for him during their annual Deep Sea Training Expedition during the next two weeks. If he is captured, he will be tried and found guilty of desertion. He will then be turned over to the SEAL/UDT School to test new Navy weapons systems, such as the Furby Personal Bathysphere.

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Last Updated 20 Mar 2000

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