The FMA cadre looked forward to an exciting, busy Fall FTX to mark the first anniversary of the first-ever official FMA FTX with PFC (posthumous) Bob.
One of the lessons discovered during the after-action review of our Summer 2000 FTX was that a large recruit class reduces the crucial level of instructor-trainee interaction that is neccessary for quality training. For this reason, we limited our Fall class to three trainees. They are, from left to right, Recruit Narcofurby (taking another of his frequent naps in this photo), Recruit Bop, a Recruit-Candidate from the School of the Americas, and Recruit Hypnocrab, our first Recruit-Candidate from the School of the Americas. The Furby Military Academies would like to emphasize again the importance it places in diversity in its selection of recruits.
In addition to the safe weapons handling refresher training of the cadre, Colonel Webb oversaw the initial weapons training for Instructor (Probationary) Christine Seaman.
She quickly mastered the basics of safe weapons handling, as she demonstrates with the Desert Eagle pistol.
This FTX also involved the first field test of a super-secret Area 51 (1/2) weapons system, the Furbymecharobozilla. This cybernetically enhanced Furby is an advanced weapon platform that can augment the basic firepower of a Furby squad by at least fourfold. The cadre looked forward to putting the Furbymecharobozilla through its paces on the Mapultian National Training Grounds.
The Recruits quickly learned the basics of overland navigation while the cadre prepared to start Flight School training for Recruit Narcofurby.
Captain Wiltzius gave Recruit Narcofurby a safety briefing, showing the Recruit the end of a firearm that is the most dangerous.
An important aspect of any flight school is a survival course. The FMA decided to start the survival course at that critical time beginning with the ejection from a crippled aircraft. Recruit Narcofurby was taught how to evade anti-aircraft fire by deploying his parachute shortly before landing.
Unfortunately, not only did Recruit Narcofurby fail to deploy his parachute, but he also forgot to avoid the anti-aircraft fire supplied by the training cadre.
Before the cadre could continue training the Recruits, a terrifying roar shook the entire training grounds. A horrifying monstrosity reared its hideous visage above the ridgeline. A surprised and terrified cadre looked upon the nauseating purple mass of a Barneyzilla!
The poor recruits were near the ridgeline when this monster attacked. The cadre looked on in horror as the foul beast gazed slobberingly upon the defenseless Recruits.
Thinking quickly, Lt. General Webb declared training complete and field-promoted the entire Fall 2000 FTX class to the rank of Private, Furby Class. With this battlefield promotion, the FMA graduated its first surviving class of recruits. This momentous picture, taken from a combat journalist's battered camera, captured the moment when the first FMA class graduated.
Unfortunately, even with the rallying cry of "Charge!", these new Furby Warriors were not a match against the evil purple terror. Poor PFC Hypnocrab suffered greatly from a powerful blow that send it sliding along the hillside.
PFC Bop and PFC Narcofurby were similarly savaged by the violent wrath of the Barneyzilla.
In desperation, the FMA unleashed the prototype Furbymecharobozilla in the hope that it would survive this baptism by fire. It charged the Barneyzilla, spraying rockets, bullets, and semi-coherent energy beams across the Mapultian National Training Grounds.
Even with the might of Area 51 (1/2)'s best technology, the Furbymecharobozilla was a poor match against the Barneyzilla. Even with the grievous damage it had suffered, however, it refused to quit.
To the horror of the FMA Cadre, the Barneyzilla captured PFC Hypnocrab and began devouring the soldier alive!
On orders from Lt. General Webb, the cadre opened fire on Barneyzilla, hoping to subdue it with enough firepower to give poor PFC Hypnocrab a chance to escape.
The Barneyzilla absorbed a sustained barrage of buckshot as it continued to swallow PFC Hypnocrab.
At last, the critcially wounded PFC escaped the maw of the purple demon and attempted to flee from the battlefield.
Regrettably, the warrior was too wounded to get clear of the suppression zone the FMA Cadre created with their shotguns. PFC Hypnocrab died valiantly defending the Mapultian National Training Grounds from the gigantic mutant dinosaur.
In the aftermath of the firefight, the cadre discovered a surprising number of ants had congregated in the area.
When the cadre returned to the Field Training Facility, they discovered an unusually large ant investigating the site.
The ant seemed to take a liking to Captain Wiltzius, so the cadre decided to make Captain Wiltzius the liason to the Ant Nation.
Captain Wiltzius invited the ant emissary to watch our training regimen while negotiating a mutual non-aggression treaty.
Some of the cadre suspect that the ant emissary used some form of mind-control on Captain Wiltzius, for he seemed to be very willing to make numerous concessions in favor of the Ant Nation.
With the sun getting close to the horizon, the FMA Cadre packed up and returned to the Greeley Recruit Processing Center for an after-action mission analysis and pizza.
The FMA continues to monitor the Ant Nation situation, worrying that the training grounds may
be compromised by this upstart nation's claim to territory that includes the Mapultian National
Back to the Furby Military Academies.
Last Updated 26 Oct 2000
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